Blog Archives

The royals are having a wedding…

…and the nation collectively went meh.

Now don’t get me wrong, I got my invitation, unfortunately for Kate and Harry I will be… Oh, i dunno, doing the laundry, in fact maybe I’ll be washing my hair. Heck I’ll push the boat out, I’ll be sitting on my arse, on the garden with a brewski in one hand and a kebab in the other.

Seriously, it might be me but the whole thing has gone mad, the bank holiday is nice sure. (I don’t work that day anyway. But yeah)

Apparently at the last royal wedding 3/4 people were celebrating the wedding in some manner or other. Tbh I don’t think that 3/4 people know when the wedding is this time around.

Councils expected to be swamped under requests to close roads so that street parties could occur, but so far the request numbers are at an all time low (the last I heard was 2000 total requests)

But to top it of, now the “souvenir” sets are out and this time they include but are not limited to: china, candles, speciality cheeses (I guess) and condoms (honest to god they exist).

Now, I’m sorry but theres something wrong here, Royal Condoms? So instead of the usual Trojans someone, somewhere wants me to use a condom that is endorsed by the prince and princess to be?

Personally I can’t think of anything worse, last thing I want when I’m “getting happy” is to see their faces looking back at, how off putting is that!

Problem is you know there is someone somewhere going

“oh i say camilla dear let’s celebrate this event in style let us retire up the stair and have intercourse”

“oh let’s Charles darling, make sure you bring the condoms, and do make sure they are the royal ones, the ones with Harry and Kate on the front”

“I shall have Jefferys bring them right at once. [calls butler] jefferys please bring the royal condoms to my room, and please, mind mothers corgis we don’t want you to step on one again, you know that she will behead you if it happens again”
[I’m sorry, had to be done]

You know, there’s one thing worse then Harry and Kate to put you off “the magic”. Camilla! You may not like the royals but you have to admire Charles, he must be In constant fear of having a mafia hit squad turn up at an event when he has to wake up every morning with that horses head next to him in the bed.

And another question, condoms come in sizes, small, average, large etc, do the royal ones? Or are they going to come in the size of Harrys? After all surely that’s person whose gunna use em in reality. (well, to be fair, that depends if it comes in Harrys size, because if it does, I think there would be a number of gay men and straight women interested in just seeing how they compare to there fantasy versions)

Oh dear me, this blog is certainly going down hill, toilet wall writing last post, the royals sex life this post, this isn’t how I envisioned this blog, not at all.

I’m gunna go lock myself in a cupboard now and see if I can find something a little more “sane” to write about.