Category Archives: English


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The royals are having a wedding…

…and the nation collectively went meh.

Now don’t get me wrong, I got my invitation, unfortunately for Kate and Harry I will be… Oh, i dunno, doing the laundry, in fact maybe I’ll be washing my hair. Heck I’ll push the boat out, I’ll be sitting on my arse, on the garden with a brewski in one hand and a kebab in the other.

Seriously, it might be me but the whole thing has gone mad, the bank holiday is nice sure. (I don’t work that day anyway. But yeah)

Apparently at the last royal wedding 3/4 people were celebrating the wedding in some manner or other. Tbh I don’t think that 3/4 people know when the wedding is this time around.

Councils expected to be swamped under requests to close roads so that street parties could occur, but so far the request numbers are at an all time low (the last I heard was 2000 total requests)

But to top it of, now the “souvenir” sets are out and this time they include but are not limited to: china, candles, speciality cheeses (I guess) and condoms (honest to god they exist).

Now, I’m sorry but theres something wrong here, Royal Condoms? So instead of the usual Trojans someone, somewhere wants me to use a condom that is endorsed by the prince and princess to be?

Personally I can’t think of anything worse, last thing I want when I’m “getting happy” is to see their faces looking back at, how off putting is that!

Problem is you know there is someone somewhere going

“oh i say camilla dear let’s celebrate this event in style let us retire up the stair and have intercourse”

“oh let’s Charles darling, make sure you bring the condoms, and do make sure they are the royal ones, the ones with Harry and Kate on the front”

“I shall have Jefferys bring them right at once. [calls butler] jefferys please bring the royal condoms to my room, and please, mind mothers corgis we don’t want you to step on one again, you know that she will behead you if it happens again”
[I’m sorry, had to be done]

You know, there’s one thing worse then Harry and Kate to put you off “the magic”. Camilla! You may not like the royals but you have to admire Charles, he must be In constant fear of having a mafia hit squad turn up at an event when he has to wake up every morning with that horses head next to him in the bed.

And another question, condoms come in sizes, small, average, large etc, do the royal ones? Or are they going to come in the size of Harrys? After all surely that’s person whose gunna use em in reality. (well, to be fair, that depends if it comes in Harrys size, because if it does, I think there would be a number of gay men and straight women interested in just seeing how they compare to there fantasy versions)

Oh dear me, this blog is certainly going down hill, toilet wall writing last post, the royals sex life this post, this isn’t how I envisioned this blog, not at all.

I’m gunna go lock myself in a cupboard now and see if I can find something a little more “sane” to write about.

The Angels Have The Phone

You know it’s an interesting things watching the way that culture changes around you.

It seems the general public gets more and more quirky each day that I see it. For example the title of this post. I saw this written on grout for the tilling of a museum toilet of all places.

Not just another fancy artsy exhibition statement, just something someone had deemed fit to write on a wall that is slowly filling with writing.

Other examples of notes are

“the Jedi are coming”
“kick the Tories out”


“Free your mind”

For whatever reason people have seen fit to start filling this wall with phrases and sentences they think are, I dunno, entertaining? Relevant? A freedo of expression maybe?

Who knows, for whatever reason I find this quirky and fun, a living piece of art, in the toilet of a museum, being created slowly and organically by the public >.<

There are there examples, a good one is maybe street busking, if used to be something that was done by just one, or at most two people, with just there acustic instruments and there voice.

However, take a walk around the city centre now and you will see that there are Now full bands getting in in the act, bringing portable amps, microphone rigs and playing for all two are worth, bringing CDs they have mixed themselves for sale. And the quality of these guys are fantastic, much better then the buskers that I remember from being a nipper (or maybe I wasn’t musically tuned back then [doubtful] )

Here’s a short examples of some of the buskers seen around Sheffield in the last couple of weeks:

(available in HD just adjust the quality on the bottom left of the player when it starts)

And even the shops are buying into this quirkiness of culture, town today saw thorntons have a “robot chocolatier” outside there store who was “powered by donations”.

Now the donations were for the nspcc, a respectable cause and coupled with the quirkiness I’m sure it brought in a few donations bit it’s fun to see where people will go with these things.

Anyway, time to re-enter the quirky world that we live in, any thoughts on the matter?